Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Join the BBPPC!!!

Potty training is not for the impatient. A little motivation can help.

Download a printable sheet of clip-and-issue BBPPC cards.

If I have to explain the inestimable value of being a card-carrying potty trained human being, then you are certainly not as desperate for it as I was. Suffice it to say that by showing my card to Thing 1 (with MULTIPLE gold stars, and signed by none other than I.P. Frehley himself), he upped his game toot-sweet, which made the very competitive Thing 2 follow suit in short time. It's been a few years since my boys earned theirs but they still carry them proudly in their wallets.* As does Daddy, and that ain't gonna change for a long long time, if ever.

Now...what to do for Thing 3, the daughter...?

* If you have a child old enough to grab a toy or ask for one when you are in a store -- then you have a child old enough to own (and carry) a wallet. You will thank me if you give them one, I promise you.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Witch's Catalog Order Form

One of my most treasured books as a boy was The Witch's Catalog by Norman Bridwell, published in 1976. You might remember the cover:

You can click through excerpts of it at Norman Bridwell was the author and illustrator of some of my other favorite books, though I didn't know that at the time. He was the one who gave us these gems:

He also did many others, including a certain series about a large red canine. But in The Witch's Catalog, he teased us with items our young imaginations wished we could really have. I mean, an invisible barrier to keep bullies out? And consider this spread:

Order a pet dragon??? With accessories?!? You can find whole books devoted to this subject nowadays, but Norman did it first, and that was pretty avant-garde for a 1976 children's book.

Though I knew magic wasn't real, I wanted so badly to believe that I didn't even care. I probably didn't even notice that the book clearly instructs the reader not to send money. But what did frustrate my young mind was the order form. Have a look:

That #%^**&#@ order form is not even 3 inches across! I remember trying to copy it onto notebook paper, as instructed. Had a heckuva time with it once I noticed two other glaring setbacks: one, it has blanks for PRICE - an attribute conspicuously missing from every item. Worse, it requires you to rub it with bat fat and flea tears!!!

Well, leave it to ol' Keith, amigos. You wanna have a go at this for old times' sake, or for some sadistic reason lead your kids on with something you can't deliver, WELL BUDDY I GOT YOU COVERED.

Download the PDF order form I made for you by clicking the image below.

Since the instructions clearly say "SEND NO MONEY," simply leave the Price column blank. You may include a note that you were so instructed by me, the Witch-Finder of Lilburn. I'm tight with the Great Pumpkin, no one will question it.

For flea tears, just rub the whole dang flea onto it, and per Wikipedia, BAT fat might be more common than you think

Boxes and Eggs

Added 8 items to the Etsy store today -- three new dragon eggs and a new set of the very popular Crusted Cthulhu Boxes.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Halloween 2013 - The Witch Hunter's Barn

The gallery at the Witch Hunter's Barn has been updated with fresh photos from 2013.

And so ends another year. Now back to ruining all my paint brushes.